The CabotCove Letters
by Mr. Osborne
Summary: My name was, and still is, Alexandra Cabot.
1. Introduction

The Cabot/Cove Letters

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, the characters do not belong to me.

Introduction

My name was, and still is, Alexandra Cabot. I was an ADA for the District Attorney's office in New York City, handling cases for the Special Victims Unit. Those cases involved sex crimes. 

For almost four years, I had put away criminals of all walks of life and perversions, made new friends and enemies. I had a good life, until a few misspoken words pissed off the wrong person, and made an underling of a Columbian Drug Lord my enemy. I heard a taped telephone conversion with him planning to murder me, and my mother. That same evening, the DEA agent that replayed the tape was killed by a car bomb. Though we nailed the underling, he was killed in a federal prison waiting for trial; I thought it was over. 

One night, I was leaving a bar with two of my friends, and the next thing I knew I was laying on the concrete sidewalk. I felt a sharp pain from my shoulder, a warm wetness that seemed to spread out, a heavy pressure and Olivia chanting "no no no no" over and over as I lost consciousness. 

I woke up early morning to the sight of a Federal Marshall, who told me that I was now in danger. He offered me witness protection, and I took it, but on one condition. 

He refused to accept it at first, but he eventually realized I wouldn't take no for an answer. The last memory of my life was seeing the shocked look on the faces of my two best friends; the last people to see me alive. The look on Olivia's face was heartbreaking, and her voice conveyed it as much when she said my funeral was tomorrow. There were so many things I wanted to say, but there was little time, and I had to leave. 

There were so many things to say, and no safe way to convey them to my friends. Except for Olivia and Elliot, everyone else thinks I'm dead. It could endanger my life, not to mention get my ass chewed out by Federal Marshals, if I tried to talk them through unsafe channels. 

Those first months of orientation were hard to cope with. You're practically a prisoner in their witness training center, and have to deal with perfecting a new identity and review the gory details of why you must stick to it. There were a few things that helped me. I met with a counselor, and spoke to a few other witnesses weekly. My mom called me, wrote letters, and even visited me a few times; I'll always be grateful to her for that. I went to driving school in Arizona and learned anti-kidnapping and avoidance skills. I can now drive better than I ever have before and play Demolition Derby without putting more then a few dents in my car. 

At the end of my orientation, when it was time to reenter the world with my new identity, I needed to find a place to live and a new occupation. I couldn't go back to work as an ADA, or even a lawyer. That left perhaps one avenue I hadn't thought of in a long time: teaching. 

My education included a Masters Degree, so I have the credentials to teach. The step from Courtroom to classroom wasn't really that big a step for me. The stress of putting away a perp was gone, not to mention dealing with the occasional sleazy defense lawyer and uptight judge (not to mention my boss). To me, it was like returning to my youth and reliving my school days. 

The Feds established me in the city of Piqua, Ohio, north of Dayton off Interstate 75. I had a few misgivings being near a drug corridor, but it was doubtful that a drug courier would drive off the Interstate and into the city. Once that paranoia wore off, I found out how lucky I was. The city is very well kept, very picturesque at a distance and as clean, if not more so, than New York. I moved into a nice apartment near Edison Community College and went to work as an Associate Professor that following semester Spring 2004. 

As the paranoia and nightmares wore off, I started to relax and make new friends. I'm working on a way to safely contact Olivia back in New York, and I hope to establish a correspondence with her. 

Some days are hard for me, others are easier, but I'm driven by one thing: if I give up, that Drug Lord wins, and I'm not going to let him win.


	2. January 5, 2004

One day, around mid-January 2004, Detective Olivia Benson picked up her mail. Upon checking and sorting out the junk, she came across a manila envelope. There was no return address, but the postmark showed it was mailed on the 10th, from Las Vegas. The address was hand written in a familiar script. She opened the envelope and let the contents slide out onto her kitchen table. There were several sheets of paper, all hand written. On the topmost of these was a letter. Taking along everything, she went into her bedroom and shut the door. Settling on the bed, she turned on her bedside lamp and began to read. 

January 5, 2004

Olivia,

If all went well, this letter will find itself in your hands about a week after I wrote it and sent it out. I sent you the letter through a remailing service so if the wrong person finds this letter and the envelope it came in, they won't be able to trace it back to me.

First, let me assure you that I'm alive and well. I've been living well in another part of the United States, having just settled in a few weeks ago. I'm still getting used to living my new "life."

Unfortunately, I can't tell you any specifics about my new life. This is not because I don't trust you, but that there's always a chance of a message being intercepted. In general, considering the circumstances, my life is good. My shoulder has healed, my health is good, I've made some new friends, and I'm keeping busy teaching.

There were so many things that I wanted to say to you and Elliot that night. I just didn't have time, nor the privacy, to say them. When you were on the verge of tears, I wanted to hug you and reassure you that I would be ok. I miss you. You are my best friend, and you are like a sister to me. These past few months have been hard for me, but I'm holding on. It wasn't the pain of leaving, it was not knowing when it would end. You know about the Cartel, you know how hard it'll be to bring him down, and even then that won't guarantee my safety.

While I can't come back to New York, I hope we can correspond like this. Phone calls are out of the question, as is e-mail. However, while everyone has focused on technology, they've forgotten about the more "quaint" means of communication. Using a remailing service ensures that even if someone intercepted a letter, they can't trace it back to me. However, we both have to be careful to keep out certain details on both ends. We also have to write our letters by hand, which will make tracing the origin of my letters more difficult.

Attached you will find the details of how to write back to me safely. Keep this attachment locked up in a safe place. There are also details on what to do if things go south. Call me paranoid, but I've learned more about the Cali Drug Cartel than I ever wanted to know. 

Olivia, they are extremely dangerous. I can not stress that point enough. It's not just a matter of having hundreds of millions of dollars at their disposal, they have technological and intelligence resources that rival our government.

I wouldn't worry though, as far as they know, I'm dead. As long as we're both careful, neither of us will be in danger. Then again, there's always bad luck. You can show this letter to Elliot, and anyone else in SVU that you trust.

Write to me, don't write to me; it's your choice Olivia. Even if you don't, I'll keep writing to you and keep you updated on the general details of my new "life." Remember that I'm still alive, and living my life as best I can. I promise you that whatever happens, I'm not giving up on myself.

Your friend always,

Alex


	3. January 23, 2004

January 23, 2004

Alex,

As I write this letter, I am so happy; I never expected to hear from you again. I was in tears after reading your letter. I was so overwhelmed that I didn't know whether to reply or not. So, I decided to sleep on it and make a decision the next day. 

By then, there was no doubt in my mind that I would write back to you. We had our differences at times, but we ultimately became friends, practically sisters outside our jobs. If there's anyone else besides Elliot that I would trust with my life, it's you. I showed him the letter by the way, and he was very happy to know that you were ok. For now, you'll only be getting letters from me. We're not sure on who else to let in on this yet, but we'll be careful on who to approach. I'm sure Munch would get a kick out of this if he knew. 

We all miss you terribly. Up until Elliot and I found out that you were still alive, we were just miserable. Munch even quipped about how CIA used to send down assassins to take care of people like the Cartel. It was difficult attending your own funeral, hearing your eulogy, and wanting to say "she's not dead." But we got through it. 

We have a new ADA, named Casey Novak. She came in on a case Elliot and I were working. Obviously, she's not you, but I'm not entirely comfortable working with her. She's certainly different; she plays softball, rides a bike to work--more of a Tom-boy. But, she's a good ADA, and I think she'll do ok. 

My social life hasn't changed much. I'm still single-in fact I've been so busy these past few months that I haven't had much time to *have* a social life. The few dates I've had are the same; you know the story, the talk turns to what I do for a living and either they're repulsed or want to learn all the sick details. 

Speaking of which, an old flame of mine showed up not too long ago. God, I don't know how I fell for him before--he's very trigger happy. I was being held hostage by a fugitive in a hotel and while I worked to talk him down, he wanted to shoot him. My gut told me this guy was innocent, while my old boyfriend just wanted to shoot first and ask questions later. He ended up in the hospital, nearly shot to death by a sniper just as I was about to get him to surrender. It turned out I was right all along, but then he almost wrecked our case by roughing up the real perp. Afterward, when he offered to buy me a drink, I said no. I told him I had enough insanity in my life--I need stability. 

I think of our letter writing as exactly that: stability. This is probably one of the few moments in my life where there's no insanity. I can't even imagine what you've been through since you left, but I know it's not pretty. But I'm very glad you still have the strength to keep living. I'd like to know more about what you do, if you feel safe telling me. You be safe. 

Your friend,

Olivia.


	4. February 7, 2004

February 7, 2004  
  
Olivia,  
  
I am so glad to hear from you again. I was so excited that I gave myself a papercut when I ripped open the envelope. Thank you so much for writing back to me, and for agreeing to do this.  
  
I agree with you that for now you should be the only one writing the letters. The more people who write letters, the greater the chance of someone like Sgt. Tucker blowing my cover while trying to dig up dirt on the squad. As for who to approach, I'm sure it would be a good idea to let Don know. He'll definitely back you on this.  
  
While I was laid up in the hospital, recouping enough so I could safely be moved, I thought about all of you a lot. Let me tell you, it was hell not being able to get a message out to you sooner. If I hadn't put my foot down, they never would've arranged our meeting. In fact, they're still against me making any contact, but there's no way I'm going to just leave everything I knew and loved behind. I'd rather die than just live a new life and forget about my old one. I will always be Alexandra Cabot, no matter who I am now.  
  
So, Casey has taken my place? I've heard of her of course; I've seen her in action, and she is definitely a Tom-Boy. She likes to be more "hands-on" in her cases and "by the book" than I was. From the way you describe her, she reminds me of myself when I started out. Granted, I didn't play softball or ride a bike to work, but prosecuting rapists and pedophiles wasn't easy for me to digest--never was. You remember that mess with the Morris Commission and how I wasn't well received or trusted. Give her the same chance you gave me. She is a good Prosecutor; she just needs time to settle in.  
  
My social life is on hold for now. It's pretty tough getting settled into a new identity. There are a lot of details that I had to study and practice on before I could reenter society. Plus, I haven't really been where I am long enough to make many friends, but I have met a few nice guys. Ok, I've been busy too! I've had to hit the ground running with my new job.  
  
I did mention I was teaching, didn't I? I couldn't just go back to work as an ADA or a lawyer. Instead, I'm a Professor at a Community College. I teach Litigation, Family Law, and Legal Research and Writing. Of them all, I enjoy Litigation the most. Every week, I have my students do a mock trial. My role differs from Judge to Prosecutor to Defense to a Jurist. It's resulted in more than a few funny moments.   
  
Despite the things that I miss, at least one good thing that came from this sorry situation was that I learned how to have fun again. I couldn't remember the last time that I really enjoyed myself. My advice: have some fun in your life. Have a good laugh once in a while. Life isn't easy, but it's not so bad as long as you keep your bearings. I know who I am, I know that I'm still alive, and I know that this isn't going to last. One day we'll see each other again. But not too soon.  
  
Be safe.  
  
Your friend,  
  
Alex  
  
P.S.   
  
I am so glad that our letter writing gives you some measure of stability. Believe me, I've been through enough insanity in the past four years to last me a lifetime.


	5. February 27, 2004

February 27, 2004  
  
Alex,  
  
It sounds like you've been keeping busy considering. Your job sounds like a lot of fun, and definitely less stressful than what you faced every day. I can't say the same about my job, but at least it has its moments.   
  
You were right about Casey. For a while we were all thinking that she wouldn't settle in and then she delivered-really delivered. We had three major cases in the past month alone. You would not believe what I've worked. The first case involved a little boy who was found murdered in Central Park (I won't tell you the details, it still makes me sick). But we ended up making a new friend with the Haitian embassy. With her help, we saved over 60 kids who were being smuggled into the country, and nailed the smuggler (with a little "incentive" by our new friend and our ADA).  
  
The next case was weird. We were called out to see a kid who was found eating out of a trash can. What was weird was *how* he and his older brother were being abused and manipulated by their mother. This woman was freaky-like Norman Bates freaky. She was absolutely paranoid, and convinced her sons that the world was far too dangerous for them to live in, using home schooling and healthy food to rein them in. To make a long story short, she manipulated her eldest son into shooting one, and then killing himself-but the gun jammed. Casey really worked her ass off finding the truth. It turned out that she had three sons, not two, and the third was very sane, having lived in foster care and served the Navy, and helped break her hold.   
  
Then, as if things couldn't get more intense, this has got to be the most emotional case for me. A teenager was murdered by her friends over stealing a boyfriend! We found out that these girls were bullies, and two of them almost got away with murder. This is where Casey really proved herself. She has an extraordinary power of observation. While examining one of the defendants on cross, she noticed that the school ring she was wearing was not hers. You see she noticed that her birthday was in February, while the color of the birthstone was for September. That got both defendants to blow their defense strategy. The verdict came through in fifteen minutes! Fifteen! So if you ever want to nail everyone you ever hated in high school, call Casey Novak.  
  
Sadly, one of the girls that they were bullying had shot and killed another bully. Her name is Agnes and it was so sad. I interviewed her during the initial investigation. You know, during High School, I kept mainly to myself because of my mom; she was an alcoholic. Her parents were caring, but not as well off, and she's not as attractive as her peers. What was cruel was that we found that one of the girls Casey convicted had taken a picture of her in the locker room with her camera phone and sent the picture to everyone who had one in the school, including her brother. High school may not have been the best time for me, but I can't remember anyone being so cruel in my life. I think the worst thing we had in my school was spit wads! They used voicemail, text messages, digital cameras, and even fake blood.  
  
Fortunately, Casey has plead her out to Man 2, the minimum, and she'll receive counseling. I've visited her in jail, and we've talked some more. I can see so much of myself in her at that age. It'll be a hard road for her, but at least she's gotten out of that school.  
  
Anyway, I've talked to Elliot about letting Don in on our letter writing and he agreed. Donald respects and cares for you as much as we do. We're also thinking of approaching Munch, Fin and Huang, but we're going to wait until after talking to Don. He'll be shocked, even a little angry for not telling him about you in the first place, but he'll get over it.  
  
Your friend,  
  
Olivia


	6. March 27, 2004

March 27, 2004

Olivia,

Sorry I haven't written back for so long. I've been very busy with mid-terms and, in another month, finals. My first semester teaching has turned out to be not only fun, but quick too!

I'm almost tempted to say "I told you so" about Casey. I know about those cases; I may me dead, but I have kept myself informed. We've actually debated about the school-related case, especially since nearly everyone can relate to Agnes. The other cases did get nationwide attention; some of the kids called her Norman Bates' mom. As for the child smuggling, a lot of us really had no idea that sort of thing was happening. That raised a lot of awareness for us.

Recently, I've been looking at buying a car. Oh yes, where I live I need a car--actually have a car--but the one I'm currently driving I bought hastily when I relocated. Frankly, I don't like it, especially since I took a advanced driving course that taught me a lot about what car can really do. It left me yearning for something sportier, while still fairly fuel-efficient and reliable. My choices range from an early 90s Acura NSX sports car to a Ford Police Interceptor. Oh god, I've become a car nut! 

But my first love is still the law. My teaching job has been very rewarding but I'm sad that I can't practice law anymore; I'm always going to miss that. I miss you Olivia; you always had a way to read someone's mind and help them find their courage. I missed those evening drinks that we had together, and the occasional jog through the park. I miss the rest of the squad, especially Munch's witty remarks and conspiracy theories, Huang's calm and reassuring words. Also Finn's tough exterior yet very kind and sensitive side, Don's no-nonsense leadership, and Elliot's stories about his kids. Hell, there are times when I even miss locking horns with the defense attorneys and my old politically driven boss. 

Part of me has kept kicking myself for pushing that bastard Zapata too far. If only I had kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't have gotten into the mess that followed. I knew who I was dealing with, and I should've been more careful. That car bomb should've given me a hint to back off.

Despite leaving my life behind, it's never far away. Recently, a student of mine had confided in me that her boyfriend had raped her. When she broke down, I almost picked up the phone to have you and Elliot pick the guy up. Then I remembered that I wasn't an ADA anymore. Instead, I made sure that she got counseling and pressed charges--off campus. I've been quietly starting to get involved with the surrounding women's crises centers, and even gave some legal advice.

My love life has slowly started to bloom again. A few weeks ago I met a guy named Teagan who's an IT Director for one of the school districts. He's definitely not like some of the snobs that I dated back in the old days. He listens to me, cares about my opinions and he made me laugh. None of my old boyfriends had genuinely made me laugh before. So far we've had dinner a few times, and watched a few movies at his place. It hasn't turned really serious yet but I learned he's a great kisser :-). 

If nothing else, he's definitely proof that there are men worthy of a woman's attention on this planet.

Be well.

Your friend,

Alex


	7. April 7, 2004

April 7, 2004

Alex,

This is pretty difficult to write. I just closed a case involving an ADA named Jeff, who I dated five years ago, that was found murdered. It turned out that the man who killed him was a coworker who was gay, and whose denial led him to kill. What's worse was that Jeff had HIV, as did the murderer, and his wife.

I only dated him for a month, and though we did have sex we used protection. Plus we didn't have oral sex and it was five years ago. But I hadn't been tested for HIV during those five years-there was no reason to-and I've been in prime shape. Melinda offered to test me without any paperwork. I almost refused but she gently, but firmly, insisted. 

I had no idea that Jeff was gay. It never turned serious, but I never thought he was gay; he seemed to be a very sensitive and compassionate man. Was I really so blind? I work sex crimes, I help and put away people of all ages and orientations, shouldn't I be able to tell? I spoke to Huang and he told me that some people try to deny their true sexuality by acting normal, and he reassured me that my exposure to HIV was negligible. But I was still scared of the possibility I was HIV positive; it would mean having to leave my job. When the results came back, for a moment, I thought Melinda was going to say I was positive That fear was quickly quashed; I do not have HIV, thank god. But the whole mess left me shaking really badly. 

I'll be all right; I still have my health after all :-).

Your friend,

Olivia


End file.
